Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize