If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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