Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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