WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
how drunk are you?
Several
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
