i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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