Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I see more hoeing in ur future
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
