Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just saw a hot homeless man
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
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