your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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