I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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