I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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