I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
