You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
