My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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