U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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