i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
