Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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