somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
babies were throwing up all over the place
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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