Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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