Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
