Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
