I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just fell off a train. Bad.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
