i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
