we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
