How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I smell stomach acid.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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