Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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