You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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