I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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