I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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