i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
