she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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