what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i need an iv and a liver transplant
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize