so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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