the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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