when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just want nice things and good sex
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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