I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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