Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
And then my night got REAL pukey
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
