This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
