4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
