Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
