i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
