so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
