If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
