I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
