Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
