Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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