Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize