i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
