You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
