so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
