Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I am naked and annoyed.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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