I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
