Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
