I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
