Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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