love makes seman taste better
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
