I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
