i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
