Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
