this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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