Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
