Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
