he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
