that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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