Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
