didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
