Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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