may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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