she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize