Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
MIDGETS
????
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
