Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
