Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
