i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
