I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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