so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
