what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
