Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
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