im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
