I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
