in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize