Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
