Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
