hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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