Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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