I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
