i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just found puke in my bra..
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
