in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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