Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
