Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
