is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
