so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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