I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
