what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
People in love make me want to vomit
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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