Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
