My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
