I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
