My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
