your thong is hanging out like whoa
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
