You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
