Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize