There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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