New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize