This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
