Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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