Your dad touched me again.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
